Reviewed by CGCSport

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Gambling
Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Ultimate Horse Racing Simulator.SNA (Spectrum 48K Snapshot)

Myke: Thanks Dave and, yes race-fans, the annual CGC Horse Derby is upon us once more and this year we've an incredible 176 horses...

Dave: ... Er, and 176 Jockeys - don't forget them...

Myke: ... Well yes. 176 Horses and Jockeys competing this year!

Dave: That is, er, massive!

Myke: But wait, before we get started should we talk about the pre-race activities this year?

Place Your Bets

Dave: Quite right Myke! The bookies have made things, er, simple this year and limited the group betting to 4 members. All they'll need are your names, how much you want to bet and the number of the horse you, er, fancy. (F'nar - Ed.)

Myke: Am I right in saying that there's a problem this year? Something to do with Horse 176?

Dave: That's right Myke - you can't select the, er, aptly named; "Glitch In The System" - let's hope he's not a winner, eh!?

C Nonsense In BASIC

Myke: Speaking of glitches it looks like they've also tried to jump on the "Personalised Experience™" bandwagon and introduced the facility to change the colours for the race footage? Not sure who they got in to design the interface though as, half the time, the system crashes with some Nonsense error.

Dave: It's a bit of a poor show, if I'm honest Myke, I guess you just, er, can't get the...

Myke: Oh. Wait. Hang on there Dave. I'm just getting the message in my ear that they're Under Starters Orders... [**BANG**]... Holy Gamola - and they're off!

And They're Off

Dave: Crikey! Let's, er, get to it. Right away it's "My Dog Ate My Homework" taking an early lead but "My Wife Doesn't Understand Me" and "Get Me Out Of Here" are catching up fast.

Myke: Indeed Dave - "Whose Panda Is That" is currently lagging behind along with "Can You Feel The Love Tonight!"

Dave: He certainly, er, isn't!

Myke: WHOA! Somebody must have stuck a rocket up "Grey Fluff In My Pocket's" (Bottom - Ed) because he's just bolted past the favourite...

... Time Passes...

And They're Still Going

Myke: Dave... DAVE... Wake Up...

Dave: Wh-what? Oh, er, yes. The race is still going strong but I really couldn't call it; "Is That A Donkey" has been out in front for a while, er, I think?

Myke: He has but wait up - who's this - "Who Took My Bloody iPhone" is coming up the rear... He's getting a bit clo... OH... MY... GOD!!

Dave: That's just horrific! I don't think I've ever seen so many, er, Jockeys and Horses go down on each other at once. (G'nuk g'nuk - Ed.)

Myke: It looks like everyone's okay but it's left the race leaders in chaos at the final stretch.

Dave: I couldn't have predicted this - "Peter Andre Kissed My Neighbour" has emerged from the fray along with "As Many As Ten Drones" and it's got to be a photo finish as they, er, cross the line.


Myke: Phew! I'm getting word in my ear that... Yes... It's #105 - "Peter Andre Kissed My Neighbour" - an amazing performance!

Dave: How about our little wager? Did we, er, win any money?

Myke: No. No we did not.

Dave: Oh dear. I take it your missus won't be, er, happy?

Myke: No. No she will not.

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