Advanced Last Minute CSSCGC Simulator

Developer: leespoons
Genre: Nerve Tester

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

It's been a while since we've had a game from leespoons, to the point I'd almost forgotten him! This entry will ensure I double my efforts to do so.

[ Read Full Review ]

Jet Set Willy v0.1

Developer: Spud
Genre: Prototype

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Spud had been working on this "masterpeice" for "hours" and only managed scrape it in just before the competition deadline.

Is it any good? No. It's cack even by CSSCGC standards. Well done Spud!

[ Read Full Review ]

Divide

Developer: Anders Carlsson
Genre: Maths Puzzler

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Not a bovine UDG in sight but Anders Carlsson is back to (divide and) conquer the competition.

[ Read Full Review ]


Sotchi Advanced Downhill Tea Tray Simulator

Developer: absinthe_boy
Genre: Winter Sports

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Back in February the CSSCGC team sent us out to the Winter Olymics in Sochi, however, we got separated from our luggage on the way back and only now - after it's been 'round the world nearly 70 times, we're told - have we finally got it back.

As well as reuniting Dave with his second pair of underpants we also found this recording of a previously unbroadcasted event commentary. Happy Days!

[ Read Full Review ]

Horace Goes Peeing

Developer: Lee Tonks
Genre: P*ss-em-Up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Lee Tonks makes a late appearance in the competition and takes the opportunity to tarnish the good name of a childhood icon.

[ Read Full Review ]

Pudding Chase

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Festive Coordination

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

A hastily produced and vaguely festive game which involves trying to place your pixel (coin) inside the UDG (pudding) by guestimating how many pixels there are horizontally and vertically between the two. Excited? Read the review for more along the same lines.

[ Read Full Review ]

Bump Up the Numbers (and letters)

Developer: Ed Raven
Genre: Keepy Uppy

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"I thought I'd knock up one last game in an afternoon..." Ed hangs up his CSSCGC boots and, despite having no UDGs and using only the simplest sounds, it's suprisingly good. Did he even read the rules?

[ Read Full Review ]


Harry the Baby Saves the World With His Amazing Water Pistol

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Squirt-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Another WGitW Restoration this time featuring a baby (called Harry,) his amazing water pistol and a world (which needs to be saved.) Obviously.

[ Read Full Review ]

Carbon Dating Simulator

Developer: Chris Young
Genre: Romantic Adventure

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

The second Choose Your Own Adventure™-alike in this year's competition!

* If you decide to read the review, click here.
* If you try and re-use a joke from the previous review...

[ Read Full Review ]

Mr Money!

Developer: Pete
Genre: Maze & Collect

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Pete rediscovered this lost gem from 1989 and considered restoring the lost loading screen and adding extra levels for a sort of Special Edition. Lazily (but, arguably, correctly) concluding this would be a waste of effort he just sent in the .SNA instead. Good man!

[ Read Full Review ]

Run Ferret

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Endless Runner

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Another (briefly) topical game's impact completely negated by a tardy review. In my defence I did completely forget that MatG had sent this in - which speaks volumes about its craptitude.

[ Read Full Review ]

Jump Off a Cliff Simulator

Developer: Ed Raven
Genre: Extreme Sports

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Impressively Ed has taken 5 words from a magazine printed in 1988 and fleshed it out into a fully featured crap game in which your sole aim is to hurl yourself from an unadvisable height. Don't try this at home, kids!

[ Read Full Review ]

Ultimate ZX Spectrum Games Designer

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Creativity Enabler

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"You can throw all your other submissions out of the window" begins Andrew confidently in the email to which this entry was attached. "It's the utility that Mike Singleton, Raf Cecco, Don Priestly, Costa Panayi or even the legendary Grant Jaquest would have used if it were around thirty years ago!"

Crikey. With an intro like that I can only assume the review will be a crushing disappointment!?

[ Read Full Review ]

Dillon's Cap Caper

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Hat Chaser

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"So you want us to recreate an entire game based on a screen shot and a brief description... OK, sounds like a challenge!" said MatG who has "taken valuable time from other programming to recreate Dillon's Cap Caper..."

Basically I'm just outsourcing all the work, now.

[ Read Full Review ]

Trapped!

Developer: Ed Raven
Genre: Text Adventure

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Ed Raven's second entry is a claustrophobic horror text adventure which will keep you guessing until the very end... Absolutely nailbiting stuff!

[ Read Full Review ]

Crap, Tapir, Slippers

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Catch-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

R Tape has long been on a mission to prove that games written in BASIC can be half-decent. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound like the kind of thing we're interested in here, does it?

[ Read Full Review ]

Wild West SpecDRAW!

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Reaction Timer

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

You know the score; "This town ain't big enough for the both of us," a clock strikes high noon and two cowboys stand at opposite ends of a dusty road with twitching fingers.

If that sort of thing appeals to you (or even if it doesn't) then prepare to be underwhelmed.

[ Read Full Review ]

All-Key-Tester/Presser

Developer: Pgyuri/WSS
Genre: Hardware Tester

 

Platform: Spectrum 16K
Language: BASIC

comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games competition - the clue's in the name, people!?

Pgyuri aims wide of the mark with an ingenious piece of hardware!

[ Read Full Review ]

Brad: The Game

Developer: Paul 'Eq.' Collins
Genre: Adult Adventure

 

Platform: Spectrum 128K
Language: BASIC

"You Have Mail" blinks the message on your computer - it's an email from Paul 'Eq.' Collins with another CSSCGC entry.

* If you fire the game up to review straight away turn to page 52.
* If you decide to go on holiday and leave it a week or so turn to page 115.

[ Read Full Review ]

Sokomath!

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Maths Puzzler

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

R Tapes attempts to "combine an easy & fun game like Sokoban with some complicated mathematics, the idea being that both become more fun as a consequence." My money is on this hypothesis being wrong!

[ Read Full Review ]

Sh*te Cycles

Developer: Ed Raven
Genre: Avoid-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

There are a few Lightcycles clones in CSSCGC history, including one with a similar name which is arguably better, but that didn't dissuade Ed Raven from giving it a go anyway.

[ Read Full Review ]

Battle Cows

Developer: Anders Carlsson
Genre: Bovine Strategy

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Anders Carlsson knows when he's on to a good thing and so continues his CSSCGC tradition of milking as many games as possible out of the same Moo-DGs (That's enough cow jokes - Ed.)

[ Read Full Review ]

Bob's New Kidney

Developer: Bellend Software
Genre: Button Masher

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Inspired by a True Story™ and arguably one of the most important games ever written - certainly for the CSSCGC - who ever though we'd be saying that!?

[ Read Full Review ]

Arty Pants

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Utility

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Basically Etch-a-Sketch with the addition of ZX Spectrum Attribute Colours. A beautifully simple idea implemented in a cack-handed manner!

[ Read Full Review ]

Ultimate Horse Racing Simulator

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Gambling

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Welcome to the, er, annual CGC Horse Derby. We're nearly ready for the 3.30 so it's over to Myke for the, er, review...

[ Read Full Review ]

Zero Asteroids II

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Avoid-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

MatGubbin's reworking of Zero Asteroids betrays the original 2014 classic as he gives in to temptation and adds new, unnecessary, features such as actual scoring and - shock horror - a basic game structure.

[ Read Full Review ]

Haiku

Developer: catmeows
Genre: Word Games

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

catmeows presents this supposedly crap version of a wacky edutainment version of House of the Dead™. In the process he's misplaced the zombies but, even more embarrassingly, managed to retain a decent amount of playability!

[ Read Full Review ]

Zero Breakout

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Bat & No Ball

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

MatGubbin's remake of Breakout is faithful to the original 1976 classic and he resists temptation to add new, unnecessary, features and even removes a few elements he felt didn't work.

[ Read Full Review ]

Zero Asteroids

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Shoot-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

MatGubbin's remake of Asteroids is faithful to the original 1979 classic and he resists temptation to add new, unnecessary, features and even removes a few elements he felt didn't work.

[ Read Full Review ]

Zero Invaders

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Shoot-em-up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

MatGubbin's remake of Space Invaders is faithful to the original 1978 classic and he resists temptation to add new, unnecessary, features and even removes a few elements he felt didn't work.

[ Read Full Review ]

Touch the Ring

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Ring Fondling

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"Aye it's great isn't it. I can picture a few spin offs of this (or cracks), one as a Lord of the Rings game called 'Touch the Ring', where you have to wear the ring while the lord of darkness looks the other way." - R Tape on the Kick The Ballboy review from last year's CSSCGC.

[ Read Full Review ]


Advanced London Marathon Simulator Challenge

Developer: leespoons
Genre: Topical Button Masher

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

For anyone who watched today's London Marathon and thought; "I could do that" before realising that you're too lazy, incapable of running for a bus (let alone long distance) and/or simply don't have a suitable fancy dress costume - leespoons presents the lazy gamer's way to 'get involved'.

[ Read Full Review ]

Yes Dear

Developer: Paul 'Eq.' Collins
Genre: Shopping Simulator

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Ahhh! A relaxing Sunday afternoon. What shall I do? Put my feet up, do some work in the shed... Yes Dear? You want us to drive to Ikea to look for more unnecessary home furnishings? (sigh) I'll get my coat...

[ Read Full Review ]

Gerbil Space Program

Developer: Dr.Sputnik
Genre: Rocket Science

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Dr.Sputnik is slowly trying to home in on the perfect recipe for a crap game. This time he's attempted to mix science, rodents and ropey programming but how has he faired? The results are in!

[ Read Full Review ]

Hangman for Idiots

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Word Games

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"A version of the never popular game" exclaims the instructions with a sly self-aware wink - and there's certainly no lie in that.

[ Read Full Review ]

Good Nights Sleep Simulator

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Scientific Study

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

In this second entry from Andrew Green he explores the gaming monotony of a full 8 hours of sleep in real time - "probably the most accurate simulator EVER" he claims - except, of course, that you're awake!?

[ Read Full Review ]

Advanced Putin Simulator

Developer: Anonymous
Genre: Political Satire

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

What would you do if you were in Vladimir Putin's presidential shoes? Find out in this politically explosive simulator in which you are transported into his mind and body in a weird Quantum Leap-sort of way!

[ Read Full Review ]

Advanced David Moyes Simulator

Developer: Rebelstar Without a Cause
Genre: Sports Management

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Rebelstar Without a Cause produces a potentially ground-breaking Footie Management Sim. I only wish I knew the first thing about this genre in order to do it justice.

[ Read Full Review ]

Flappy Birds: The Text Adventure

Developer: leespoons
Genre: Text Adventure

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Our second Flappy Bird-inspired entry and I must apologise for the delay on this one as it was supposed to be up on Thursday night (but I fell asleep.) If it's any consolation it wasn't worth the wait.

[ Read Full Review ]

Twister for Two

Developer: MatGubbins
Genre: Sex Utility

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"Twister for Two" calls out random extremities and colours using the power of Currah µSpeech so you no longer need a third person to spin the thingymajig! Sexy-time.

[ Read Full Review ]

Choppy Bird

Developer: Chris Young
Genre: Button Masher

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

While the rest of WoS Forum has been enjoying the Flappy Bird Simulator Hi-Score Challenge I've been playing this torturous take on the mobile gaming phenomenon.

Good job Timmy! Bad job Chris Young.

[ Read Full Review ]

Rocks

Developer: Dr.Sputnik
Genre: Memory Challenge

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"Basically, it's a load of crap that I wrote while drunk a couple of weeks ago" - Dr.Sputnik

It isn't big or clever kids, however, it is a proven recipe for success in the CSSCGC!

[ Read Full Review ]

Hobohemia

Developer: Steve McCrea
Genre: Pre-Roguelike

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Ancient dungeon-crawler fantasy romp where your Dwarf, Mage or otherwise D&D-inspired fantasy character has been replaced with a tramp called; "Steve."

[ Read Full Review ]

Quest for ye Flask

Developer: Yoshiatom
Genre: Treasure Hunt

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Yoshi's back and showing his versatility with an entry programmed in 48K BASIC, including a proper loading screen and another classic cassette inlay. Good man!

[ Read Full Review ]

Remove The Logo

Developer: leespoons
Genre: Topical Satire

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Topical satire meets hardcore coordinate-based legal loophole action! As 'finger on the pulse' as you can get for a community dedicated to a 30 year old computing platform!

[ Read Full Review ]

SpecTriv #17

Developer: Steve McCrea
Genre: Quiz

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Unlike licensed quiz games such as Mike Reid's Pop Quiz/A Question of Sport and Emlyn Hughes' Arcade Quiz this entry doesn't rely on some big name to pull in the punters! Instead Steve McCrea is relying on pure subject matter to entice us and, given the target audience, I think he may be onto something!

[ Read Full Review ]

Advanced Space Scarper Simulator

Developer: Steve McCrea
Genre: Astrophysics

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

Spaceship. Check. Asteroids. Check. Rotational Thrust-based Gameplay. Check.

You are cleared for launch!

[ Read Full Review ]

Another drink, Reverend?

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Shoot-Em-Up

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

If you thought a fast paced horizontal shooter couldn't be done in BASIC - you were wrong. If you dared to dream it was possible, but feared it would be crap, you were right!

[ Read Full Review ]

The Forest of Doom

Developer: R Tape
Genre: Maze & Collect

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

An amazing storyline involving dwarf high lords, forests (of doom!) and magic tokens... is clearly where the budget of this entry was focussed!

[ Read Full Review ]

Advanced Cricket Simulator

Developer: Andrew Green
Genre: Sports Management

 

Platform: Spectrum 48K
Language: BASIC

"I don't like Cricket," sang Bob Marley 10cc*. And I tend to agree.

Andrew gets the CSSCGC 2014 off to a very Green start! (I'll get my coat)

* Embarrassing correction #1 - 13/09/2014.

[ Read Full Review ]

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