Myke: Welcome back, race-fans, here we are in Sochi and about to witness the first new event of the year; The Downhill Tea Tray.
Dave: Eh? Tea Tray? Are you, er, sure?
Myke: Yes indeed, one person per tea tray; "hurtling downhill headfirst on a polished tea tray at unimaginable speeds to either death or medal glory" according to the press brief.
Dave: Cripes! Rather them, than, er, me!
Myke: Each Olympian starts by selecting their Tea Tray of choice.
Dave: Am I right in saying that it, er, doesn't make a blind bit of, er, difference?
Myke: None at all! There's also been some confusion about the competitor selection process leading to - and I'm quoting here - "Variable not found" errors?
Dave: ... Um... No, er, clue I'm afraid.
Myke: Well, whatever it means, I guess we have to expect some teething issues the first time around.
Dave: How's your, er, display screen? I can barely see the, er, competitor on mine?
Myke: No, your screen is fine, but apparently Fritz really thought that wearing green against that crystal blue snow was a good idea!
Dave: Can't he see where he's, er, going? He keeps crashing on the first, er, bend?
Myke: Fritz' regular event is skiing but, with that Horace chap hogging the slopes and a relatively low showing for this event, he's decided to have a go.
Dave: Perhaps someone should have, er, given him some pointers on how to control that tea tray?
Myke: It's relatively easy once you get the hang of it; lean left (5) to move left, right (8) to move right and try to avoid hitting anything. Hang on... I'll be back in a sec...
Dave: Oh. Looks like he's changed his, er, outfit (Line 780 - Ed) and is having another go?
Myke: YES! He's made it past the first bend.
Dave: What does this, er, "scroll?" on my display mean?
Myke: Never mind that... Just hit the any key... Wow... This guy's doing really well...
Dave: OOOOOOOOFFF! EVEN I FELT THAT!!
Myke: Yikes. Spoke too soon. He'll definitely need some stitches but I have to say, for a beginner, 5850 is a cracking score!